I originally wrote this to MaryEllen, who shared some compelling thoughts on her blog. I previewed it and realized that I was way too long-winded (what else is new!). So I figured I'd spare her the space and post it over here. If you want the background scoop, you'll need to read this. (It's quite worth the visit.)

I have had similar church / religious experiences to those that you've shared in your post. I've gone from the more formal liturgical worship service that I was raised in, to the extreme charasmatic experience -- and in each setting I have met people who seem to really get it -- they reflect the Fruit of the Spirit, they are growing, they reflect God in ways I can only pray to see in my own life one day. And of course on the other side of that coin there are those that just don't seem to get it. (like the woman in your story who felt it was okay to have an affair since her salvation was "safe"). People can always take a good thing, no matter what it is, and tarnish it, mis-represent it, alter it, etc, etc, etc.

If I were to assess my walk, I'd say I've occupied the space on both sides of that line -- even on a day to day basis! I have "walked the walk" and "talked the talk" of the believer when inside I just wasn't in the mood - and the outcome of that was always icky. (and the "walk" and the "talk" can vary from denomination to denomination as you know!)

As I have grown older, my hope in my walk has become simply that my relationship with God will be authentic. That I won't jump on the bandwagon of whatever Christian fad is hot today (and gone tomorrow) -- but that I will pursue Him with all my heart. That I will listen before I act (I'm not always successful at this, as you have seen!) And that I will not say or do what I think is expected of me (what will meet the approval of the listener), but instead say what I believe He is calling me to say. This does not mean that I should blurt out whatever comes into my head (although sometimes I do), this means that I should meditate on my thoughts -- put my words before God, test them against scripture, and then act on what I believe is in accordance with His will.

There is a saying out there "eternal vigilence is the price of freedom". I don't think this was meant as a religious statement, but it invokes a religious connotation to me. I have incredible life-changing freedom in Christ -- but I must be eternally vigilent to pursue my connection to Him everyday. Without Him, it is all meaningless. Without Him, my "good deeds" are misguided, my efforts are all vanity, and I am just a "noisy gong" and a "clanging cymbal". -- And most horribly --As you have indicated in your post, at our worst, without Him -- we can and have gone so far as to commit atrocities in His Name -- How ugly we must seem to Him! How ugly to those who don't know Him!

But amazingly, Divinely, He finds them anyway.

Despite us.

++Thank You Lord that you met me where I was at -- that you encountered me on my own personal road to Damascus. I get in your way most of the time, I think. Help me to move over and just point to You.