Cognitive Dissonance. This is a term that keeps popping up lately. A phenomenon I find fascinating, really. In short, on a cognitive scale something I feel strongly in favor of would be a 10. Something I feel strongly against would be a 1. 5 is a neutral zone. We assess incoming information on the basis of our personal scale. For example, you may read something you like a lot. You give it a 9. You find out something really negative about the writer. You give the writer a 2. Now the 2 you gave the writer diminishes your love of the writing. It has fallen to a 7. Simple concept. Black and white turning to gray.

A pop psych example:
To a child, God, her parents, teachers, siblings (okay, maybe not the siblings) fall high on the Cognitive Scale. The intensity of the positive feelings toward the object of the child's affection doesn't easily diminish. It takes years to accumulate enough dissonance to diminish these feelings. (for some less years than others) If the scale 10 Mom says something scale 2 to her beloved child (you're stupid, you're selfish etc) in these early years, the child will a) diminish her opinion of the Mom, or b) diminish her opinion of the self. You do the math.

A grown-up example:
If I tell you I love God, you will all jump to certain conclusions. Likely you will feel strongly about whatever picture this comment brings to mind. You can not possibly know what this means to me, but you will relate it in a way that is meaningful to you. If you are from a non-Christian point of view, you are likely diminishing your opinion of me even as I speak. Why wouldn't you? When someone tells me they love God, I tend to back up a few steps myself. Interestingly, the non-Christian will tend to like me, even trust me at first. But as soon as they learn that element of who I am -- the "I love God" element -- the dissonance chimes in and they are suspicious of me. I am less "lovely" and less trustworthy. On the other hand, the "Christian" (or at least the group that tends to go by that name) will be fearful and suspicious of me first -- generally assuming I am of the enemy camp. All people have the potential of being "non-believers", and thus are to be feared. "Non-believers" have seriously low numbers on their cognitive scale. When this type of person hears me say "I love God", their opinion of me increases. Fascinating. Now, however, I am walking on eggshells with the "believers". They watch for any evidence of my humanity. They excuse some of my sins: "she's from NY (that explains a lot)" "she went to college (poor dear)" "she's, well, FEMALE (enough said)". But certain sins are unforgivable. Voting for a democrat, for example. Reading Harry Potter (to my children...). Attending an Episcopal church (to some), Attending a Vineyard (to others). Eventually, the sins accumulate and the diminishment (is that a word?) is complete.

Don't get me wrong. This phenomenon is not only evident in the church. Everyone must judge each other on their own cognitive scale. My college education causes me rejection in the church, yet my husband's lack of education causes us rejection in other circles. Being from NY tends to hurt my credibility in California or Iowa, but it is equally difficult to maintain credibility to a group of New Yorkers when they find out you live in California!!! My life is a symphony of cognitive dissonance. It is actually funny sometimes.

But oh, how many weighted questions we face day to day. If I challenge your belief or interpretation of the bible, you may ask me "what church did you grow up in?" You may truely be interested in my response. But more likely, you are looking for a way to justify your negative feeling about me. Episcopal, Presbyterian, Catholic, Lutheran, Vineyard, Calvary Chapel --- (oh that explains it...). Do you work outside the home? (wow, that one is a powder keg) Do you recycle? (no comment).

I wonder how many of these weighted questions I ask in a day? I am certain it is more than I think. I have become that which I hate. I no longer engage in relationship with hope and trust. I am suspicious of your motive. I am defensive about who I am. I say -- "I have enough people in my life" -- and I reject you. Gray. It's all gray.

I am inspired by Matthew 22:15-22. Jesus always managed to manuever around the landmines. Never trapped by the weighted questions. Loving the sinner. Hating the sin. Cognitive dissonance. "Lord, I want to like people again. I want to be immune to rejection and small thinking. I want to manuever around the landmines. Infuse my blacks and whites with bold colors"

' show me your ways, oh Lord, teach me your paths ' (psalm 25)