I worry a lot. I know I'm not supposed to. But I do.

I worry about my kids (what parent doesn't?), about protecting my kids from "bad people", about paying bills, about getting old, about getting fat, about working too many hours, about not working enough hours, about my parents getting old, about time in general passing me by, about selling or not selling my house, about spending time with my kids, about spending time with my husband, about being a good neighbor (or not), about going to church (or not) -- but the thing I worry about always -- the worst thing of all that I worry about-- I worry that the people claiming to be Christians might be right about God. Just think about it. What if they are right? What if God is as awful as they make Him out to be? What if we haven't jumped through all the right hoops? They are so sure, and I am so not.

E is a perfect example. Black and white facts. She never read a bible (she didn't read until she was much older). She was a prostitute. Her mother is an ex-con. She and all her family were illegal aliens. She refused to go to Monday or Wednesday night youth group at Calvary Chapel with the other girls. She didn't walk the walk or talk the talk. "not saved" they said. "sinner" But you saw it with me -- her heart. "People look at the outside of the person, but the Lord looks at the heart" (my favorite verse). She loved Him better than most of the people I know. She had a greater faith than most of the people I know.

I think I was that way once. I knew I was a child of God. I knew. Now I hope -- and worry.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kindgom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. " "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are." Matt 23 13-15

Help me to wear Your yoke, for You are gentle and humble in heart. Help me find rest for my soul. (Matt 11:28-30.)