This is a Henri Nouwen quote someone once shared with me. It seems appropriate to the place I'm at right now:
"Enough Light for the Next Step
Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, "How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?" There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away."
As I mentioned, my son the football player was released by the Spinal Injury Specialist (I hate to even say that title -- it sounds so scary). Unfortunately, he was reinjured by the 3rd quarter of his first game back. He is benched for the rest of the season. The doctor feels given enough time to heal, he will be able to play football again next season. But we don't really know for sure. In the meantime, basketball and lacrosse seasons are starting -- both coaches are already calling, making sure he's ready. There's physical therapy, weight training -- he's even allowed to surf. Life is so busy there is no time to grieve, to worry -- but the possibility still looms like a dark spirit hovering, whispering the unthinkable.
Just as in Nouwen's quote, we are looking for a great beam to take away the shadows, but the future is unknown. I am trying to enjoy what I see and not complain about what remains in the dark. My son is not injured beyond repair. In fact, he is strong and well and completely able to do all the other things his likes to do -- just not football. This, given the possibilities, is a miracle -- a great joy. He hasn't complained. He has maintained his faithfulness. But for those of you who know him, it's hard to imagine him not playing football. He's been doing it since he was 7 (!!) and he is incredibly good at it. He has gotten prayer from a number of people who love him and from a couple of people who simply love to watch him play. We all have a great deal of faith -- a "good feeling about this". We all say, "there's always next year", but we don't really know that. And he is so gracious, receiving all the prayers, stopping with a smile and allowing anyone who asks to lay their hands on him and pray (no matter where or when). But underneath the smile is the shadow of doubt, "what if..."?
"When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go." ++ Lord, I pray for enough light to take the step that follows -- for me, but especially for my son.